The Magic of Cinco de Mayo
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Satire By John W. Lillpop
Cinco de Mayo is a very special day in California. This is particularly true for Spanish-fluent attorneys who special in DUI cases inasmuch as The BIG DAY means that mucho dinero is on the way.
In my home town, we celebrate Cinco de Mayo in the following ways:
* Mow our own lawns, wash our own cars, and mop our own floors;
* Fly the American flag upside down to highlight the distress that illegal aliens bring to our great nation;
* Boycott Home Depot parking lots and refuse to leave tips at McDonald’s.
However, Cinco de Mayo can be a spiritual experience, of sorts, including the following insights gleaned from previous celebrations:
* NO human being is illegal—except for Guatemalans, Argentines, Brazilians, Nicaraguans, and other low-life Latinos in Mexico without papers;
* Mexicans are universally unable to read and understand the common calendar. For instance, last Sunday was May 2, yet the streets of the Bay Area were flooded with Cinco de Mayo celebrants who thought it was May 5!
* Compared to the Magic of Cinco de Mayo, the month-long celebration of Ramadan is a piece of cake. After all, when Muslims murder and main Americans, they usually kill themselves as well.
Mexicans, on the other hand, do everything in their power to stay alive so as to kill even more Americans on yet another day.
* Translating Cinco de Mayo from the original Spanish yields the following fast-food order: Five pounds of mayonnaise, please!
* Mexican music is a known transmitter of swine flu: Hearing it causes infected pigs to vomit violently for hours on end;
* Salmonella is the official mascot of the Mexican agriculture industry;
* Mexican mythology holds that Cinco de Mayo commemorates a Mexican war victory over the French. In fact, the day is a celebration of May 5, 1897 the day on which California starting printing food stamps in Spanish!
Cinco de Mayo—a day like any other in America. And Gracias to God that there is no more than one Cinco de Mayo a year!
John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal, “clean and sober” since 1992 when last he voted
for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area,
where people like Nancy Pelosi are actually considered
normal!
NOTE: In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. section 107, any copyrighted material herein is distributed without profit or payment to those who have expressed prior interest in receiving this information for non-profit research and educational purposes only. For further information please refer to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml
